بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِIn the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Table of contents:
1. Identification of toxic and staying away from them
3. How to attract the righteous?
Good companionship is one of the most important thing, not just for Muslims, but for every individual.
As Allah says in the Quran,
"And We created you in pairs."
Surat An-Naba, verse number 8
And in Surat Az-Zumar, 39:6,
He created you from one soul, then He made from it, its mate.
These ayahs are sufficient enough to symbolize the creation of mate for every individual.
1. Who are good companions?
“The example of a good companion in comparison with a bad one is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith's bellows. From the first, you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while the bellows would either burn your clothes or give an unpleasant smell.”
— Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5534
This beautiful hadith explains the difference between companions, both good & bad. Good companion not just benefits their own self but also their companions, just like the must-seller. They are mirrors of to each other .
Whenever a servant commits something wrong, he is admonished by his companions about it and also reminded to turn back to Allah, as the hadith says.
“The believer is like a mirror to other believers. He protects him against loss. The believer is the brother of the believer. He protects him against ruin and looks after him.”
— Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4918
Also a study from Harvard's T.H. Chan School of Public Health found that having close, supportive friendships lowers the risk of health issues, particularly those related to mental health and cardiovascular health
Reference: Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, “The Long-Term Health Benefits of Positive Relationships”
The importance has been further supported by some of the great scholars of Islam like Ibn Taymiyyah as:
“Righteous companionship is one of the best blessings. It leads one to righteous deeds, helps maintain them, and shields against loneliness of the soul.”
Reference: Majmu’ al-Fatawa (Compilation of his legal opinions)
All these evidences are sufficient enough to emphasize the importance of good companionship.Now the main question is...
2. How to find them and befriend them?
1. Identification of toxic ones and staying away from them
"Do not be deceived by the Qur’an-reciter whose actions contradict his recitation. You are only companions of a person's deeds, so choose wisely."
Reference: Al-Adab al-Mufrad by Imam al-Bukhari
The world is filled with hypocrites. A person may look good from the front, but may hide a totally different side in reality. So don't fall for their outer covering, Don't trust their word, but judge them by their actions.Test them, whether they are practicing what they are preaching, or are they just showing off to earn praises and fulfill their desires. If you are surrounded by these people, then it's better to stay alone than associating with them,
As Confucius said once:
"Associate with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company."
Even from a scientific perspective its proven that toxic people can be harmful for mental health
Reference: The Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, “Positive and Negative Effects of Social Relationships on Mental Health,” Vol. 40, No. 3, 2020
2. Unfriend the toxic ones
Now you know who they are the next step is to unfriend the toxic ones. Although try to guide them first. It would be best if they start changing themselves for Allah but everything has a limit,if they don't then it would be best for you to leave them for the sake of Allah and move on.
Keep in mind, they will emotionally blackmail you and stop you from doing the thing. But the first thing you have to ask to yourself, What will I gain by losing them? And what will I lose by having them? All decisions you will to take should be in the lights of Quran and the teachings of Prophet ﷺ.
Don't listen to your emotions, but to what the Quran & the Islamic teaching says.
"The worst of companions is one who commands you to sin and makes it appear beautiful to you."
Reference: Nahjul Balagha, Saying 38
Bad companions not just harms you, but also shapes your personality. You are defined by the people you surround yourself with. Toxic ones also act as a preventative factor in associating with good people.
“People are judged by the company they keep, so associate with those who will increase you in wisdom and protect your honor.”
— Quoted in Al-Muwatta
3.How to attract the righteous?
The answer to this might not be what most you are typically expecting,its a bit more brutal as well as rational one.
In order to befriend righteous, you have to become righteous. You need to start working, learning, practicing such qualities that would attract the right company. You have to direct your heart to remembrance and obedience of Allah. And Allah will provide you the opportunities to associate with the righteous.
“The soul will inevitably imitate those it closely accompanies. Therefore, strive to befriend those who inspire you to obey Allah and draw closer to Him.”
— Ibn Qayyim, Al-Fawa'id
Here are few things to look for before befriending anyone:
1. Seek those who help you to remain sincere to Allah
“Beware of those who approach you to harm your soul under the guise of friendship, and seek those who help you remain sincere to Allah.”
— Diwan of Imam Shafi'i (Compilation of his poems)
2.Whose hearts are softened by remembrance of Allah & foster trust
“Friendship is trust. Choose those whose hearts are softened by remembrance of Allah, for they will shield you from heedlessness.”
— Adab al-Shaykh wa al-Murid (The Conduct of the Scholar and the Seeker)
3. Who elevate you ,support you and remind you of your honour
"The companion is a mirror, reflecting your goodness or your flaws. Seek those who remind you of honor and dignity, for they will guard your soul against the rust of life."
— Al-Mutanabbi, Diwan of Al-Mutanabbi (Collections of his poetry)
Conclusion
Here were some good reasons to have good companions around you and stay away from toxic ones. The blog covers some of the major aspects of identification of good and toxic friends, how to unfriend toxic ones, and befriend good ones, all from Islamic and scientific perspective.
Now it's upto you to make the right decision ✨
اللهم مُصَرِّفَ الْقُلُوْبِ صَرِّفْ قُلُوْبَنَا عَلَى طَاعتِكَ
O Allah! Controller of the hearts, direct our hearts to Your obedience
Ameen.
Comment down any question or dought you have regarding islam and its doctrines. Future blogs will inshallah include the solution to them ☺️
Fiqh & hadith related doughts will be explained by ulema of the specific fields inshallah
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